Just a Curbside Prophet...

What happened to Jason Mraz? Boy, did he fall off, or what? Anyway, that's all peas and carrots beacuse the real point of this post is to discuss the elusive fanboy. Many of you have heard that terminology, but wondered what it was about, but a quick look at Wikipedia.org brings us this definition:

"Fanboy or Fanboi is a term used to describe a male who is utterly devoted to a single subject or hobby, often to the point where it is considered an obsession. The term originated in comic book circles, to describe someone who was socially insecure and used comics as a shield from interaction, hence the disparaging connotations. Fanboys are often experts on minor details regarding their hobbies, and they take these details extremely seriously. The term itself is often used in a derogatory manner by less serious fans of the same material. Nevertheless, self-labeling usages of the term have been noted; in the songs of the fannish parody musician Luke Ski, many characters proudly consider themselves fanboys. The term is usually applied to people in their teens or 20s. Within this group, common subjects of reverence by fanboys are TV shows, movies, anime, cars, video game consoles, video games, operating systems, MMORPGs, and software companies."

Looking at the above text, one would think that fanboys have harmless fun with thier favorite things, and are just generally looking to find fun and interesting things. This couldn't be farther from the truth. Fanboys are not only a risk to the things that they love, and the things that others love, but they are a risk to our national security and if you put up with them, then the terrorists have won. You might think that I"m exaggerating, but I'd like to speak with you for a moment if I could about the main dangers that fanboys are proving to be.

1.) They hate everything!
Seriously, everything. I'd like to point you towards the website Aint It Cool News. The place is literally crawling with fanboys and pick any random thread and you'll find the large majority of those whiny ingrates complaining about something that they could never change or create anything better. In the same thread you'll find those smelly bastards praising to the highest heavens and danming to the bowels of hell the same movie, comic, or television show. And God forbid that anybody should mention Joss Whedon. Saying that name is similar to calling the name of Beetlegeuse in these trying times.

2.) Ever heard of the show Family Guy?
Everybody by now knows that that show was brought back thanks to the efforts of tried and true fanboys. And if you helped bring that show back and you don't consider yourself a fanboy you're either (a) a girl OR (b) lying to yourself. Now what if those same fanboys turned the tide onto shows that they wanted to see off the air. Forget Gilmore Girls, or America's Next Top Model, you'll be watching Star Gate and BattleStar Galatica all day long. On all the channels. And not that new, cool, BattleStar Galatica, no, you'll be watching the old one with the puppets. And granted, I don't watch either Gilmore Girls, or America's Next Top Model, but you get my point. ABC think's they got a lot of mail over that whole Janet Jackson thing.... This writing campaign will make that look like Louie Anderson's yearly fanmail.

3.) They have stupid catchphrases and lingo.
pwned. That's all I have to say about that.

4.) The large majority of them are either 12 or 48.
I'll refer you to the above point. Who would say that except for a 12 year old? It's owned so obviously spelled wrong that it makes your head hurt. Seriously, feel that? That's your head throbbing. The other half are old enough to be your father, and they're talking to you about Jessica Alba's bust size. I mean, I like Jessica Alba too, but not that much.

5.) They would be so much cooler if they didn't think they were so cool.
Now, I'm a geek, I know this. I don't languish in it, but I'm not ashamed of it. Fanboys think they are the authority on all things geeky. I could totally appreciate them if they didn't spend all of their time arguing about who would win in a fight, Kirk of Picard. I know guys are like that, but c'mon, let it go.

So, anyway, there you go, the top Five Reasons why fanboys suck. Now, I realize that I didn't mention a lot of national security stuff, but right as I was getting into that some men dressed all in black crashed through my window and very nicely asked me to not mention that. Well, their AK-47's asked me, they just mostly looked frightening. But next I'll be disscussing fangirls. So, you'll really want to stick around for that. Seriously, that'll rock.

** This is a description of most of the fanboys that I've evern been in contact with, my description of fangirls will mostly be a description of my own amiable qualities. Biased? Maybe, but we all know, Fangirls are people, too.