I was Raised by a Cup of Coffee!

I'm in this thing called the Ralph Bunche Society. If you don't know who Ralph Bunche is, well you should. He was the first African American undersecretary of the UN, and the first black person to win a Nobel Prize; for peace in 1950. If you don't know what the Ralph Bunche Society is, don't worry, I don't either, and I've been in it for like, two semesters. Anyway, during one particular snoozefest of a meeting, in which we were forced to watch another in a series of 14 documentaries chronicling the life of Mr. Bunche, I was forced to ask myself two very important questions: 1) Who thought it would be a good idea to make a 14 part documentary about Ralph Bunche and B) Who has that much going on in their lives that you can make a 14 part documentary about them (not Ralph Bunche, apparently). Also, I had to do something to entertain myself, and was forced to make up "Chuck Norris"-esque facts about Bunche, that would make me laugh when I read over them later. I now present them to you:

Notes About Ralph Bunche:

1. Ralph Bunche single handedly ended slavery when he karate chopped Jefferson Davis so hard in the gut, he obliterated the Mason-Dixon line.

2. Ralph Bunche can eat glass and piss excellence.

3. Africa was a perfect utopia the 100 years that Ralph Bunche ruled it, unfortunately he was called away on a Santa centered mission, and the Continent fell into the disarray that it's in now. Also, the white man.

4. The Manhattan Project was an abject failure. The destruction of Nagasaki and Hiroshima was caused by Ralph Bunche not getting a Big mac when he wanted it. The Big Mac was not invented yet.


5. Ralph Bunche was the first man in space. he wanted to see what the big deal was about the other side of the moon. Until that day it was known as the shining, happy, bright side.

6. Ralph Bunche invented colonialism; he saw that his neighbor had a new pool. It was only after he saw what the consequences of it did he force the Europeans back to their own shores.

7. Ralph Bunche can speak every human language on Planet Earth, he is also able to communicated with every species of animal, most plants, and several kinds of rocks.

8. Ralph Bunche successfully negotiated peace between Israel and Palestine over sixteen times. However, before he can even get all from the negotiating table, a suicide bomber ruins everything. He is much too peaceful to just kill everybody, thus the waiting.