I Googled Suicide Today

I Googled suicide today. I don't plan on killing myself. I'd like to make that abundantly clear. But I am the type of person who likes options. Interestingly enough I'm not the type of person who does research. So, this was a new experience for me. What I found were sites mostly trying to stop people from committing suicide. I didn't, however, find a site offering tips on the best way to do it. There was a particularly funny entry on CRACKED.COM, which did help lift my spirits a little. One passage likened committing suicide to having your friends and family buy you a car, and then running them all over with it. I guess it is a little like that. Suicide only hurts the people that care about you the most, so why would you be such a ginormous douchebag and do something like that? Anyway, I heard it's some sort of brain thing so I'll leave it alone. Anyway, so I could never commit suicide. I think I say that I want to kill myself as a coping device more than anything else. I really have A) too high an opinion of myself and B) A real fear that God will be mad at me, to do anything like that. I was telling a friend of mine that I went to a religious middle school and in Bible study we learned that blaspheming against the Holy Spirit was the only unforgivable sin. After that I used to live in mortal fear that I would accidentally do that. Like, little Jenny was afraid that Johnny didn't like her, and I was afraid that I would, somehow, blaspheme against the Holy Spirit. To this moment I don't even know what that would entail. I dunno if you'd have to sign something, in blood or whatever. But, anyway, for all that I know that suicide is a pretty bad sin. Hey, I've seen Constantine. I'm just saying, I was looking it up is all.