Back At the Cellar Door

I'm not very good when people give me praise. I tend to think of myself as average in most aspects of life, below average in others. I'm not a good student, because I don't really do my homework, and turn my essays in late, I'm a good student because I'm involved in the conversation, and the essays that I do turn in are better than most. I've come to terms with this. I'm a bad person cause I'm not always too dependable, and I tend to find faults in people, I'm a good person because I'm pretty laid back, and I'm fun to be around (or so I think). Anyway, when it comes to describing me, I don't think there's anything too awesome there. So, when I get praise from people, I never know how to take it. I always feel awkward, and uncomfortable, like somebody's shining a spotlight on me, and the whole world is looking on. Anyway, I just got a recommendation letter from one of my teachers which included glowing praise about my status as a student, and my work and so on. She gave me a copy of it, and I can't bring myself to read it, I just skim through it looking for words that might uncover the real truth about me, but finding none, I'm at a loss. I feel like I'm the only one that gets this giant cosmic joke. I don't me to say that I have this low self esteem, and I sit around feeling sorry for myself. I happen to think I'm awesome. But at the same time, I know in the back of my mind that this personal view might be a little unwarranted. I know that's kind of weird, but I've got low self esteem about my high self esteem. Or something.