The Eight Commandments According to Eddie

Here are some commandments thanks to Mr. Izzard:

Never piss in a toaster

Never eat barbed wire

Don't call yourself Mr. Jim Jams

Never scrape your brain with the back of a comb

Never put you toes in a fire

Never cellotape you eyelids to your mothers'

Don't put your knitting on the stage Mrs. Worthington

Never cellotape your hair to a tractor

They're a little different than the ones for squirrels.