Terri's Cellar Door

Stuff that happens to me, Terri.

Monday, October 29, 2007

Nat and the Boys

So, my friend saw this huge, floor to ceiling, at the Gap recently, and she just might have to steal it for me. I'm okay with that. Sometimes you have to make sacrifices for the people you care about. And if that person is me, I'm even more for it. This is just the most adorable picture ever, and the boys are so big now!!!! Beckett Finn is the younger one on the left and Jackson Slade is the bigger one on the right. Their dad is Heroes star Adrian Pasdar, and they've made some fine looking kids. I saw Slade at a concert one time when he was still really little. He seemed like a cool little kid, and was having tons of fun backstage. I totally respect those ladies because they do have to take their kids on the road, but it keeps their families together, and probably makes for some good times. Anyway, here's the pic, it's for some Gap thing that I probably don't care about, but it's a cool poster. The beauty of the Internet: my friend called me to tell me about it, 20 seconds later I had the pic saved on my hard drive. Classy.

** I just realized that you all might have no idea who this is, it's Natalie Maines, lead singer of the Dixie Chicks, and my ultimate girl-crush of all time. I dunno how much of that I should mention, considering this is a pic of her and her babies, but I think she's soooo talented and Emily and Martie are too, and they're awesome, and I'd totally let them have one of my kidneys. Maybe even both if they played at my birthday party.

An Open Letter to Kelly....

Dear Kelly,

If you read this blog regularly, you'd know that I have issues, and you wouldn't have to make unfounded accusations to that fact. Also, I frickin' loved Highlander 2, and love all the Highlander movies, because that's how I roll. Look, I have issues with something called a little loyalty. I love Rachel's body of work, but what I see is a inconsistency that I have a problem with. I'm sorry, but I'm positive that the script for the Mummy 3 couldn't have been worse than Fred Claus, now, read the other script and tell me I'm wrong. Also, it's not a matter of either or, she's already made Fred Claus, now, she's open to do some other stuff. Also, I don't just blindly like something because an actor is in it. I watched Monkeybone because Brendan Fraser was in it, didn't mean that it was a good movie. I mean, it was okay, but still kinda lame. This the point I'm trying to make: The Mummy movies won't be a movie without Rachel, and what blow to her credibility would it have done to appear in it, when making Envy (which is essentially a movie about dog poo) didn't? So.... make some fans happy, make a few extra million dollars, sit around on a set for a few months, make out with Brendan Fraser, and you know what? It would be a brilliant career move.

A Complete Stranger,


Sunday, October 28, 2007

An Open Letter to Rachel Weisz...

Dear Rachel Weisz,

Um, Rachel Weisz, so you're better than Michelle Yeoh and Brendan Fraser and the Mummy 3, but you're not too good to be in Fred Claus? WTF??? Seriously, I don't know what went wrong, but you need to fix it. For some reason you can get, what fourth, fifth? billing in Fred Claus, but starring in the Mummy 3 is a little below your repartee? WTF, Rach, WTF? Just don't talk to me, I don't even want to hear it.

Your biggest fan,

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Dun-Dun! That's the Law & Order Sound Effect...

I often wonder what would happen if I would die in some mysterious way, or in some way not so mysterious, and the police had to go through all my personal possessions to find out what happened to me. Like what would they come up with about me, or decide what my life was all about. This sometimes worries and troubles me. I think, if someone just had a chance to look at my possessions, what would they come to realize about me? Firstly, I'm a total mess. Like, my room has a basic neatness going on, but I have a lot of crap, and my desk is in shambles. I own a look of books, and a lot of Xena paraphernalia, so there's that. I have random post-it notes everywhere. like the one I'm looking at right now says "Showtime is Channel 17", and Judge Fudge, "I'm far too busy being delicious." I have a lot of books, so they'd probably decide that I read a lot, so maybe they'd check the library to see it I know anybody there. They'd be wrong of course, because who has time to read for pleasure when they've got to read Henry the 4th by, like, tomorrow? I have a lot of Chinese stuff, of course; flashcards, books, CD's, so they'd go and talk to the Chinese teacher on campus and they'd be right about that. I have a couple of guitars, and whatnot so they'd probably think that I was a teenage white guy. But there are long black "Afro"-like hairs everywhere, so they'd quickly get over that delusion. If they'd check my computer they'd see all the half finished writings of a wannabe, guitar tabs for practice, and maybe more than my fair share of porn (Just kidding Mom and Dad!). They'd probably assume I had some kind of pen fetish, and that I couldn't make up my mind about what I wanted to do in my life. I have a condom in my drawer (even though I'm not sexually active, (it was free!) and I've a pack of cigarettes, even though I don't smoke. Anyway, I figure they wouldn't be able to peg me down all too well. That's kinda where my life is right now; a totally unpredictable, unexplainable, roller coaster ride. A couple months ago I was in Beijing, China, and now I'm ruminating over the biggest decision of my life. Let's just say that if this was Law and Order, the cops wouldn't even know where to start, and I guess that I like my life that way.

*I totally want a potbellied big now!!!

**Didn't I say, totally random!

Monday, October 22, 2007

Miranda, What Did I Do?!?!?!

I've been trying to use this title for the longest, and finally, I'm making some headway. Anyway, so it's early in the morning or late at night, but I couldn't sleep, and so this is my obvious alternative. I wrote this poem a while ago and it's not true, well, not really anyway, not in the way that counts. So, you know, bear with me:

I love the way he smells
It's an aroma wrapped in autumn
A sensory assault draped in velvety dark brown
Like cookies on Christmas morning
Or breakfast in nothing but high heels
He gets me high
And I can't get enough
I love to stand close to him
To sidle up ever so close and breathe in deep
To inhale so enthusiastically that it tickles my taste buds and makes my toes curl
When he's away I wrap myself in his sweatshirts and imagine I'm wrapped in his arms
His musk intoxicates me
His scent uplifts me
He enfolds me and I breathe in deep against his chest
I love his taste, his touch, the sight and sound of him
But how I love the way he smells.

This isn't the final reading, I don't like the way that it sounds sometimes, and I'm working on that. But it's the main idea that I want to convey, so, yeah, there you go.

Friday, October 19, 2007

White Water Rafting and Black People: A Truce At last?!?!?

That title was just to grab your attention. I'm sure there are many black people who enjoy white water rafting. I don't know any personally, but still, there's that possibility. I would, however, like to present you with this picture:

So, yeah, I went white water rafting last week, and this guy was my guide. I don't remember his name, but he was pretty knowledgeable, and got us down the river in style. I'm definitely going to do it again.

Friday, October 12, 2007

Fo' Shizzle My Dizzle

I wrote that because I'm watching Monk and Snoop Dogg is on it. Anyway, Monk is crying and it's pretty funny. Anyway, I was watching this commercial for 30 Days of Night, which is a new movie about vampires. In the middle of the trailer, this lady is like "Vampires? Vampires don't exist." And then proceeds to waste time. This made me think about something. When you waste time not believing in stuff, you could be getting the hell out of dodge, or making moves or something. Now, I don't mean that you have to run at every bump in the dark. But when there is a series of events and someone with credible evidence, or at the very least eyewitness testimony, I would be more inclined to listen to what they have to say, instead of, you know, twiddling my thumbs asking questions. I have a similar theory when I have kids. Once my kid starts saying that he saw a ghost, or something, we're outie 5000. Anyway, here's a sample conversation that I see in scary movies all the time:

Some Panting Person: Please, quick! There's something out there. It got Bobby!

Skeptical Person: What is it? What's going on?

SPP: I don't know! (cries) Please!

SkP: You have to tell me what you saw!

SPP: It was... (gulp)... a werewolf.

SkP: Don't be ridiculous, there's no such thing!

SPP: No, I saw it, really!

SkP: Sure, Billy. You've been hitting the sauce again.

**Werewolf comes in and eats them all**

Now, here's how it would have happened if I was involved.

Some Panting Person: Please, quick! There's something out there. It got Bobby! Terri? Terri?

**Werewolf comes in and eats everybody**

Except Terri! 'Cause she's on a flight to Tahiti. Do you see what I'm doing here people? I'm saving myself some time and effort. And that's what it's all about.

**Also, you guys should be Transformers when it comes out on DVD, it's going to be sweet.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

You Say You Want a Revolution....

America is not ready for really good tv. Now, I'd like you to think about this sentence, as I follow it to it's natural conclusion. I was just recently ruminating over this. And I was thinking about some of my favorite shows of all time. These include, but are not limited to; 30 Rock, Arrested Development, Firefly, Farscape, John Doe among others. have you ever just heard a person complain about the state of TV these days? I mean, most people do, there are too many reality shows, too much trashy tv, etc...etc. Well, you know why they put on all that crap? Because people watch it! Gasp! It's not that insane to think that people run what they think will get ratings and will run things that they know people will like. If you think about the shows that I've listed about (all of which other than 30 Rock, are canceled), you will see some of the best TV shows that have been on in the last ten years. Now, you may disagree, but how many shows do you know that have survived simply on the basis that 'the critics like them'. You don't have to be a certain type of show to get a good grade from a critic, but these are shows that the critics actually watch. Not something they have to watch for the job, or something that other people are watching. The best example that I can think of is Arrested Development. I can pretty much assure you that if you watched Arrested Development, then immediately fell in love with the writing, the acting and the humor. There was toilet humor for the kids, and a more sophisticated type of humor for adults (no matter what age you are). However, it was canceled after only three seasons (which is actually a pretty good run, considering some of the shows that I mentioned above). It was stylish, interesting, and always hilarious, and yet people would just not tune in. This is partly the fault of the network, who will switch times, preempt programs, and basically do everything within it's power to disrupt the show; but it's also the fault of the viewers, who wouldn't even watch the show. So while good shows are being canceled left and right, people are tuning in to season after season of Big Brother, and that show where Flava Flav picks a girlfriend. So, if you're not read for good television, then don't whine and complain when we get another season of the Biggest Loser, and your favorite show gets cancelled.

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

I was Raised by a Cup of Coffee!

I'm in this thing called the Ralph Bunche Society. If you don't know who Ralph Bunche is, well you should. He was the first African American undersecretary of the UN, and the first black person to win a Nobel Prize; for peace in 1950. If you don't know what the Ralph Bunche Society is, don't worry, I don't either, and I've been in it for like, two semesters. Anyway, during one particular snoozefest of a meeting, in which we were forced to watch another in a series of 14 documentaries chronicling the life of Mr. Bunche, I was forced to ask myself two very important questions: 1) Who thought it would be a good idea to make a 14 part documentary about Ralph Bunche and B) Who has that much going on in their lives that you can make a 14 part documentary about them (not Ralph Bunche, apparently). Also, I had to do something to entertain myself, and was forced to make up "Chuck Norris"-esque facts about Bunche, that would make me laugh when I read over them later. I now present them to you:

Notes About Ralph Bunche:

1. Ralph Bunche single handedly ended slavery when he karate chopped Jefferson Davis so hard in the gut, he obliterated the Mason-Dixon line.

2. Ralph Bunche can eat glass and piss excellence.

3. Africa was a perfect utopia the 100 years that Ralph Bunche ruled it, unfortunately he was called away on a Santa centered mission, and the Continent fell into the disarray that it's in now. Also, the white man.

4. The Manhattan Project was an abject failure. The destruction of Nagasaki and Hiroshima was caused by Ralph Bunche not getting a Big mac when he wanted it. The Big Mac was not invented yet.

5. Ralph Bunche was the first man in space. he wanted to see what the big deal was about the other side of the moon. Until that day it was known as the shining, happy, bright side.

6. Ralph Bunche invented colonialism; he saw that his neighbor had a new pool. It was only after he saw what the consequences of it did he force the Europeans back to their own shores.

7. Ralph Bunche can speak every human language on Planet Earth, he is also able to communicated with every species of animal, most plants, and several kinds of rocks.

8. Ralph Bunche successfully negotiated peace between Israel and Palestine over sixteen times. However, before he can even get all from the negotiating table, a suicide bomber ruins everything. He is much too peaceful to just kill everybody, thus the waiting.

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