Hoisted By My Own Petard

I actually said that while playing Halo 3 the other day. Shouted it out at the top of my lungs. It was apt, so I'll forgive myself. I am a nerd. Therefore I enjoy the company of other nerds, and prefer nerds to spend time with. This does not fit in with my image, however, as I can revert back to the oh-no-you-didn't black woman that people seem so afraid of nowadays. It's like, I want to hang out playing dungeons and dragons, and, you know, playing with my Boba and Jango Fett figurines all day, but by the time people have gotten over the fact that I'm a black woman, I've already become bored and gone home. This is really why my friends think that I should have been born a skinny white guy. I agree with them sometimes. It's often hard for me to reconcile the two parts of me. I mean, I'm black, that's a thing, and for me, it's something that I think about every day. Not like a conscious, "Oh Lawds, what is I's gwan do?" but a more introspective thing. I go to an HBCU and I totally love it here, but there's tons of people who act a certain way, a way that I don't, and I'm forced to think: Well, if alot of people act this way, should I? Of course, I immediately dismiss it, cause I'm awesome, and people wish they could live my life, but still. It's there at the back of my mind. And the whole 'being a female thing', well let's just say that it factors into my life. How could it not? I haven't always acted like a 'proper lady' whatever that means. I've always been into video games, computers, and other 'unladylike' activities. I've always been of the 'anything you can do, I can do better' mindset and this has left me with a somewhat tomboyish reputation. This has forced me to fit in the guys, who treat me more like one of them, and I'm even more outside of where I think I want to be than ever. I don't mind hanging out with guys, and talking with them with no ulterior motives, but I'm not a lesbian and hope to (gasp) date and maybe even marry a guy! So this can't go on forever. Anyway, I work hard to be perceived a certain way, and then when it blows up in my face, I guess I have no one to blame for myself. But for the greater 'injustices' I feel have been subject to, I blame society. I mean, why is it because of the way I look I have to feel excluded whenever I walk into a gaming shop, a LAN party or (heaven forbid) a music store? I've been playing the guitar since I was 17, but when I walked into one music store a couple years ago, I felt like I'd just picked it up. I was looking to buy a slide for my electric guitar, and first I was ignored by the clerk, and then talked to like I was an noob. That's not the only thing. the very guys I'm attracted to, nerds with glasses, a penchant for tabletop RPG's, and a WoW addiction that can only be surpassed by their need to surf the Internet, are the very people who shy away from me. I dunno if it's because they've seen Soul Plane too many times, or what, but I would at least like for people to get to know me before they start acting all skittish. I mean, I can turn the sassy black lady off, and I do actually. It usually only comes on if I'm trying to get a waiter to pay attention to me, or if somebody hassles one of my friends. Otherwise, I'm a perfectly awkward geek, with the same hangups and needs as everyone else. My only hope is to wait until I graduate, and try to make some connections in Charlotte. Their community is big enough that I can sneak in under the radar and up to a table when the DM isn't looking. Meanwhile, I guess I'll have to hang tough, and keep searching the 'Nets for somebody who truly understands.

* Sorry for all the '' and "", I was feeling real 'quoty' today
**Yes it's 5:30 in the morning, I took a nap and now my sleep schedule's all messed up
***I want a nicer camera, but I feel like I'm going to have to save up for it all on my lonesome
****I kinda want to stalk this guy, but he's A) Too young for me and B) I'm trying not to stalk anybody this month.

I Think It's Time for a Sexy Party!!!

You're All Invited!

New Website

The site I talk about here is coming around, well, I made some banners for it. Anyway, I hope to have at least a nice looking place holder up by next week. So, here are some choices:


Any comments?
You can visit the website here: A Geek's City Guide

From Here to Eternity

Sorry I've been MIA, peeps. I went on vacation all last week, and then before that, my computer wasn't working, and I don't like going to the computer lab, so I was basically computer-less. Oh well. Anyway, I've been tracking my page stats thanks to Google Analytics, and I found out that I've had readers from Australia, Canada, and some states and stuff. Anyway, thanks for reading, and don't troll, please post a comment, at least to say hey, I totally want to hear from you. So, I have a couple of things to talk about in this post and here are the main ones:


1) We have to do something about the world, ya'll. I heard that the Earth is totally getting it's junk messed up, and we need to start making changes, or at least buffing up for when everything turns into Waterworld. Or Mad Max. Either way, we're not buff enough as a people. Meanwhile a few of my friends and I were brainstorming last night about how to save the world:
a) Shoot all the nuclear waste into the sun
b) Futurama-style move the Earth a few centimeters away from the sun
c) Use a giant Oreck vacuum to get all the CO2 out of the atmosphere
d) plant more trees
e) Outlaw all gas using vehicles

Desperate times call for desperate measures. We've totally gotta start making moves. In the meantime, trains don't use coal anymore do they?

2) As a continuation of the last point, kinda, I'm going to start a website with a message board and we can have topics like global climate change, and endangered animal species and stuff, and people can propose solutions. Like, I don't think there's a one website that does that. Then we'll discuss what's viable and send the ideas to NASA. And the President or something. Seriously, we've got to get moving on this, and it'll be the ideas that seem the most far fetched that will help us get this show on the road. We need big solutions, like yesterday.

3) On the starting a website vein, I'm going to be starting another website called A Geek's Guide to the City. And it's going to have all kinds of cities from America and all over the world, and it's going to have the geeky things that you can do in that city. So, wherever you are you can find a comic book shop, a gaming store, and LAN party place, a scifi theater, whatever you need to be geeky in a place that you're moving to, or just visiting. I got the idea when I was looking for a website like that and couldn't find one.

4) I was watching this clip from the Maury Povich show about ghosts. That middle clip scared the crap out of me and really looked real. I've never really been skeptical about ghosts. I mean, if you believe that God came to Earth in the form of man, died on a cross, and then was resurrected three days later you can probably believe some crazy stuff. But still, I've never discounted the fact that ghosts might exist. I've never seen one either, so I guess I've always just been on the fence about the whole thing. I feel like if I saw something that could convince me I would turn away from it just because I 'don't believe in ghosts'. But I also have a healthy skepticism that helps me not to just believe every single ghost story that I hear. When I was in China, a tour guide asked me if I believed in ghosts. I said no at first, but then thinking about it a moment longer, I changed my answer to 'under the right circumstances'. While a person that was traveling with me scoffed at my gullibility, I had to wonder. People discount so many things just because we've been brought up to believe their impossible or ridiculous. Ghosts for instance, or psychics, or alien beings. Whenever someone starts discussing them, we write them off as a crackpot. But taking a look at something that's out of the ordinary takes us out of our comfort zones, and makes us think about an issue from a different perspective, and that's always a good thing. I would never want to discount something just because I've been told by someone else that it's ridiculous. I take everything case by case, and make my own decisions based on what I know to be true, and if we all did that, maybe things would be different.